I don’t have much time left..

I don’t know where to start so I started with the line “I don’t know where to start ”.

I am currently in a hospital bed going through my treatment which includes chemo too sometimes. I have been here for more than a week here. It all started when I was 18 and was diagnosed with a tumour in my abdominal area. I was devastated then, I was preparing for JEE back then and it hampered my studies too. My parents were worried too. I am their only child.

I didn’t even have friends then, I didn’t make any due to some past events (another long story) and I had stupidly broken up with the boy who loved me so much, when I was 16 (don’t judge me for having one at such an early age, he is my bachpan ka pyar lol) and i had no contact with him for years as our family shifted to a city 200 kms away in our new home.

The condition of the tumour was as follows :

It was stable at the time of diagnosis, meaning it was not spreading, there was a chance that it could decrease and keep on decreasing but it could come back again from there. Then there was this other scenario that if it increased even once from the stable phase it would be really hard to stop it from there and it would spread.

Lucky for me it was stable for few years. I accepted my condition and moved on. I studied hard and got a very good government college and branch. I was doing good and was feeling happy. I even started playing cricket in college and which I had left few years back (that is another strange story).

However in those years fate had other things planned for me. Lockdown came during the second semester of my college and I was at home.

When I was 21 in 2021 I lost my mother to an accident. It was devastating again for us. I had never imagined this would happen to us. She was such a pure beautiful pious soul, I don’t know why she was taken away.

2 months after her passing my college reopened and we had our exams next month. I was depressed and my grades fell. I still got a decent CG but still I could have done better if I was in a better mental state. I was depressed, I often had blackouts thinking about her. Anyways gradually I got better, increased my grades, worked on my skills. Got a good internship offer in my final year, and went on to live with my father during my final year as he was alone since long and we had already shifted from our home as our home reminded us of her every minute. Our home was new and my mother had decorated it fully.

I even reunited with my ex, he came at my house next day of my mother’s death. I don’t know how he knew about it even when we had no contact.

I tried getting back together but he politely declined and I respect that. I know he loves me but he probably doesn’t want another heartbreak.

It was all going good. I was feeling happy with the remaining of my small family when my symptoms came back again. The tumour spread, and now I am here writing this long long paragraph which I don’t know how people would receive it or believe it. Doesn’t matter anymore, I just wanted to vent it all out.

I am sad, although not sad about my own little left time. I am sad about the lonely life my father is going to live through. He lost everything. He lost his life partner and is now about to lose his one more favourite person. I would just go away and he would have to live through so much. I can’t explain how much pain I am feeling for him. He is so brave, so brave, he uplifted me when I was devastated after my disease and also after her loss.

He used to say “I wish we had one son too whom you could play together with” and I used to say what’s the need when I can become your son.

Now I think he should had had one more child, atleast he wouldn’t be alone for rest of his life.

I am not giving up though. I am fighting, I am trying my best to defeat it. Chances are low but maybe I can win. Let’s see, time will tell.

Thanks for reading my life story.