Ive been trying to kill myself for the past few days.. I need a push.

I dont know where to go from here… I though distracting myself for a few days might change things but its all I can think about. It seems so easy but i pussy out every single time. Even as I write this i have a pair of sharpened kitchen sheers that I keep pressing against the middle of my neck, where i think my my windpipe is but I cant seem to get myself press on it hard enough. I tried to pick a good last day and a good last meal but all food tastes bland and I realized that I havent had a fully good day since middle school atleast. I just need someone to push me in either direction. I need someone to tell me what I can do in the next 30 minutes to get on the right path because I dont want to be where i am anymore and I cant seem to find a way to motivate myself.