Looking at my relationship as dark and negative

Me and my partner of 4.5 years broke up recently, but I did love being with him, I feel like I had a good and fun life with him, though mentally with my anxious attachment and rocd it was an extremely tough relationship, there were issues in the relationship like unmet needs and such, and I guess it completely amplified my mental problems. I sadly look back at my relationship with this dark and heavy feeling, and just feel like it wasn’t good, even though logically there was so much good and I did feel good, but it think my brain thinks because nothing was 100% consistent which nothing in any relationship will be 100% consistent, but I just feel like I can only focus on the times I was hurt or mentally unhappy. This was my first relationship, very hard to navigate we both were young and didn’t know what we were doing, we ended up feeling like this long married couple and we were only 21. I feel distressed by this. I’m hoping once we’ve both had time to grow on our own, to potentially come back together and try again, but with this pain and heaviness I feel I’m scared of that, even though I want it.