The heart knows

The heart knows what it wants. My heart has been broken into two. I once was dead, then an angel came to save me. It was the moment you came to me. Brought me from darkness and helped me see the light. Showed me how love was supposed to be, you held me up when I was down. There was no end to your love, because you knew who I am. You brought me life once again. Made me see what was right and why I was important to so many. You saw my light, my love and my compassion. You gave me purpose once again. I have never seen love like this before in my life , I have never felt love like this. And because I was so fuck in the head , I have lost what once was found. All because of all my bad memories from my life. The way I was tossed around like a ragdoll. From place to place, with no love inside. I was a check, food on the table. And when they had their fill , off I was again. I don't know how to love all that well , but I was learning from my angel. She did not sway, she was stronger, stronger than anybody I've ever known.. the one day God took her wings , she had to do something that no other angel could have done. She was broken from that , she died from that. And you know what I'd done for my angel? The one that brought me to the light.. nothing I did absolutely nothing. I did not know what to do, I was no angel that's for sure. When I should have done my best to help keep her wings . I failed to do anything. I did not understand what I was doing to her . I should have been there for her. I should have taken care of my Angel. .from there we went from love to destroy , from light to darkness . And it's all my fault. All because I could not see what was happening in front of me. My angel lost her wings. You know what happens when an angel loses her wings,? They become distraught angry they make bad choices. Not because they want to because they are angry for have to do what they had to do for another angel.. I did not see and I let it get the best of us and our family. When she lost her wings it killed all that was left in the happiness in this world. And I did nothing. I made it worst I made it worse.. what the fuck is wrong with me. Do I fuck up everything.? And now there's no way to fix anything. Do you know why ? Because I am not an angel, and I don't deserve to be. I don't deserve happiness I don't deserve love I don't deserve anything. I am so sorry I was not there when you needed me . I am so sorry for doing the things I did to you , for your Angel is looking at me. And I was an evil being... If I could do it all over I would . But I can't there is no do overs in this life . Not true, because she gave me mine. And look what I did with it . I don't deserve you I never have deserved you. You deserve so much more. You deserve all the love in the world all the compassion. I'm sorry for my part in all of this. I'm not asking forgiveness I have not asking you for a second chance. What I am asking for if you can find happiness please find it cuz it's not with me. if it would have been with me I would have saved you like you saved me. 😭😭 With all I have said, just know I've always love you I will always be grateful for you. I will always appreciate you and I will always feel your pain. I should have done better I should have been stronger I should have known. But I was selfish because I finally found the love I never had. Because I was selfish I have lost the love I've always needed my life. Please take care of our son you are a great mom. You are a great wife a great supporter and a smartest woman I know. I'm so sorry for everything. God have mercy on my soul. I do believe he'll get your wings again, I hope you find your happiness I thought it was with me , you made me feel once again. And now it's to late. I love you my true ANGEL