It feels like I (40M) get... low to zero priority from her (39F)

Hi all,

This may all read a little bit unstructured but I guess that properly represents on what is going on in my head. I’m afraid I kinda already know where this is heading but it is really killing me on the inside. So.. a little backstory.

My GF comes from quite a painful divorce with a narcistic ex with a dude that emotionally and psychologically abuses their children. Obviously this takes a big toll on her and I am aware this will never go (fully) away. I’m the type of person that does not run away (or give up easily) and I have been helping her with everything every step of the way. I could write pages about this but felt just this bit might provide a bit of context.

Our schedule is not ideal, (either she or I has children in the weekends for example) so we have limited time we can spend together and here is where the nagging feeling in the back of my head starts. Recently the summer period has started and the first weekend of this period was the first time in about 6 months we both did not have any children. Turns out she made plans with several people (Female friends) and kinda forgot about me that I might want to spent time with here. Whenever such things like these occurs she always pulls a “I need space” card instead of acknowledging I might be a person who has needs too.

Anyway, one week further. She gets her kids during the summer vacation and we have seen each other twice. A (female) friend joined there vacation home and I was not allowed to visit, she told me if I visited, the boyfriend of the other female friend might want to visit too which might impact her autistic daughter and once again the I need space card was pulled. This was a tough pill to swallow for me. I mean, I do everything for her, her kids like me and all I wanted to do was have a cup of coffee or eat something together (Including the children ofcourse).

So, last Saturday, her kids go to their dad and my kids arrived. Her being around my kids has never been an issue from my, or her, side and she has stayed over in the past while my kids are here, which everyone seemed to enjoy. However, since she no longer has kids and has time available considering she still has vacation from work, I have proposed twice now to do some stuff and, you guessed it, already has plans with (female) friends. So I decided to just.. not ask here and let the initiative be with her. So far.. crickets.

I am wondering if this is all in my head and I make things in my head bigger then they are. It just feels so awful that I have always made my self available to do fun stuff (or not fun stuff) and now it feels like I am on the bottom off the priority list (if I am even on the priority list at all) and I don’t know what to do. It is summer period here and should be abou the best time of the year with time available, nice weather, etc. If I ask her to do something fun I will most likely get rejected again. If I share that is not cool the I need space card properly gets pulled and it feels like I am just in a lose -lose situation at the moment.

Or am I just being taken advantage of? The dude that will turn up when shit hits the fan or something needs to get done?

Or am I just an asshole because I feel "entitled" to get some quality time?