3 months down the drain.

Just wanna rant. This was my first relationship ever so I’ve been taking this really hard, this was just one of many relationships for him. We dated for 5 months only, found he was talking to someone else during our rough patch, I immediately went into no contact.

Recently though, I broke no contact after hanging out with my old coworkers and only saw him for a couple of hours. I messaged him at 2am, he answered immediately, and he drove right away to see me. We started talking at first, I told him my side and how hurt I was and he apologized, you know classic shit, then we hugged and kissed. I gave in because I missed him, I really did, and I thought he felt the same. But even when I was looking at him, I couldn’t be with him because I knew he hadn’t changed. At the end of it, the two of us were just hugging each other, having trouble letting go of one another and just repeating “I love you’s” It wasn’t romantic, it was more or less looking for warmth and validation within each other again, which seems more tragic in my eyes than anything. He told me he loved me but knew I deserve more than he could give. I still told him I can’t be with him or be in his life and I have to finish my career first.

I’m just telling you guys this to get this off my chest.. I already feel bad but I’m trying not to let it consume me. Anyways, still tryna move forward tho. I finished applying for school and just focused on not being overly stressed. Love yall and stay safe!!