AITAH for wanting to move out of my parents' home to avoid self-exiting?

I (19F) declared I wanted to move out but my 'mother' started yelling and hitting me asking why.

The thing is......I don't want to call them abusers since they raised me but I just......can't help it......

Their verbal abuse and a little physical abuse is so bad that I've been feeling really suicidal for the past few years and contemplating self-existing and um....planning it.

Ig luckily I didn't follow through with plan so I'm here still. Ik doing that is NOT the answer and never will be but...........I'm scared I might actually do it on autopilot.

I might one day just end everything without thinking so...... I'm really scared of that.

I really can't stand my existence either. Ik I'm a piece of sht but.....I wish they were a little less mean. I don't mind being hit as long as they don't say things to me that make me wanna die.

I tried so hard to make them proud of me: I'm a med student on scholarship and I have achieved objectively great results on standardized tests and what not.

I started working and treated them to a fancy meal with my salary but they kept shaming my existence while treating themselves.

I just feel less than human around them....that i don't deserve to live anymore.

When they show favoritism (I'm the oldest of 4) and treat me like sht, I feel so hurt and argue with them. She wishes I was never born and I wish that too.

They show off my test results but at the same time ask me why I didn't try harder.

All I want is to have peace and stop the these horrible thoughts and feelings that make me suicidal.

Now I have to save my measly small salary to buy all my stuff from my clothes to gadget cuz they're taking everything away. I'm fine with struggling in a tiny space living with roommates as long as I don't feel suicidal anymore.

I will try to stay in touch with them cuz they're still my family after all......

I have a debt to pay to them for taking care of me financially all this time.