Every 10 days I travel 1.5 hours to eat good food

I've been living abroad with my parents for a long time but recently I had to shift back to India to stay with my paternal grandparents (dada-dadi). They live in a rural area and have no one else around. My parents always worry about them , especially my grandfather and they're constantly scared he might die alone without us around. He refuses to leave his home and join us abroad, so here I am.

Now I'm supposed to be here for at least 6 months while I figure out my future plans.

The thing is.. emotionally, this place is safe. My grandparents are genuinely kind, caring and soft people. They're sweet. But the house is unhygienic as hell. Old, cluttered, borderline unsanitary. I can't cook (my daadi doesn't like anyone touching her kitchen), I can't clean properly (it's too far gone and she gets offended), and I can't even eat properly. The food is bland and almost always the same food gets repeated and the house has weird smells, dirty patches, and the kind of grime that makes your soul itch. I feel like I'm constantly suppressing the urge to gag or scream.

On the flip side, my maternal grandmother (naani) lives in Gurgaon. Her house is spotless, modern and the food there is amazing. (The irony is my dada-dadi are way richer than my nana-nani and still live in a dilapidated house.) The people at naani's are judgy, toxic, rude, sometimes outright abusive. I can only spend 2–3 days there every 10 days or so just enough to satisfy my taste buds, take a clean shower and reset my overstimulated brain. Then it's back to the filth.

I can't order food where I live ..it's too rural. I sneak in namkeen packets whenever I visit the city but have to hide them in my bag and eat secretly, otherwise I get taunted for my eating habits.

Every day is a loop of sensory discomfort and emotional exhaustion. And I know I chose this. I chose emotional safety over comfort. Living with naani's family is a nightmare, they're too much, I'd rather die but living at daadi's is gonna make me lose my sanity.

I just needed to let it out somewhere before I explode.