Not sure what the hell crisis this is I’m going through

I’m turning 34 in a few weeks and I’m going through possibly the worst episode of depression I’ve yet experienced. This time last year I was satisfied with my life, landed a job I always wanted, finished college, travelled across the US. After that passed and I got settled into my job, I feel flat, unmotivated, depressed, annoyed, lost, unsure about everything. I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s hard for me to feel genuine happiness. Any exciting moments I have are fleeting then it’s right back to feeling sad, unhappy, irritated, uncertain. Last year I had the goal of finally graduating college, I had a big vacation trip planned, and I was thrilled to look forward to starting a new job in a field I loved.

I guess now that I’ve accomplished those things, there’s nothing to look forward to and life feels mundane. I have went on several small trips throughout this summer and I feel small bits of happiness then it all goes away when I come back home. I haven’t been myself lately and have had to take some time away from work to get my health in order. As I’m home from work I’m questioning everything and wondering what the hell I even went out of my life. I don’t feel like I know anything and nothing makes me happy anymore.

I started this new job and the realities of it and the strict management has made me feel discouraged from continuing in this field. I’m just not sure where to turn and I don’t know what’s going with me. I’ve started therapy and next appointment is in a few days. Just wanted to know who has ever felt this weird stuck feeling in life where nothing matters or you don’t feel any emotion towards anything.