Abandonment and Rape

I'm 32 years old today. My mother hasn't spoken to me in 14 years and I'm not sure whether it's guilt or shame. On January 2nd, 2008- I walked home from a friends house and there was a truck in the grass of our apartment I never seen before. My mom and 8 year old brother was in the truck with some weird guy. I asked where they were going, my mother told me she was moving to Florida and told me to hurry and pack my bags. I walked inside and packed my favorite clothes within minutes. I walked out the backdoor to where the truck was parked with my Mom and younger brother inside. It was no longer there. My mom left me. The brother she took was 7, I was 11, Mark was 13, Cassie was 15 and pregnant. We spent a month in that duplex, no water, no electric- nothing. For a while we had the time of our lives. Eventually, my sister moved in with her boyfriend once she found out she was pregnant. My oldest brother loved being in trouble, he moved in with a friend near a park that dealt drugs. I stayed in that apartment by myself for another two weeks. One day my mothers husband showed up and asked for her laptop that he was renting out for her- the one she met this guy from Florida on. I told Paul- we are just hanging out until she gets back, I have no idea where it is. He said 'so you're alone.' I said yes, no one is ever here. Everyone has left but me, cause I'm waiting on my mom." He raped me after that. I never should have told him I was home alone. My mom has come back to the area since then. I hate her too. I hate all my family. Everyone who left me and knew. I ended up with my Grandma and they treated me 10x worse. I'd rather be raped than ever be under her custody again. I don't expect anyone to feel how I felt, but I can't ever get over it

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