I can't stop loving my abuser

There is a criminal contact order in place. No contact between my husband and I. I ran the second I got out of rehab and as soon as I found him to.be realsed from jail I went to see him. My sister immediately called the cops and he was arrested just for being around me...maybe I'll go into details at later time, but how do I do this? It's not as easy as just saying move on. And I have been scared of him. But It's like my brain forgets everything he did to me. And I can't stop feeling like he is the victim not me. I keep getting told that he can't love me if he's hit me. But how or why is it so convincing that he does even after everything he's done ??! Please can anyone help understand this. I was a completely normal person before I met him. I never thought I would let a man hit me ever. I keep running back to him. Why??! I just can't stay away and it feels like I'm scrambling just to hold onto a shred of him.

Sorry if this post isn't super clear. I just want to know how other people were finally able to move on.. If feels like I never will.