Haven’t had sex in a month, my birthday is coming up and I’m not sure I want to have sex now

About a month ago, my girlfriend suddenly became distant—emotionally and physically. It started right after she visited her terminally ill grandmother. At the time, she didn’t explain what was going on, and the sudden emotional shift left me confused and anxious. We ended up fighting a few times, mostly because I didn’t understand the change and felt completely shut out.

Fast forward to now: we’ve talked through some things, the mood between us feels lighter again, and we’re in a better spot overall. But we haven’t had sex since all of this started—so it’s been over a month.

Here’s the thing: I feel like I can’t make a move anymore without being shut down. She never initiates, and when I try, she kind of teases like she wants it, but then shuts it down in subtle ways—like changing the subject mid-kiss with random questions (“how’s your mom?” kind of stuff). It kills the vibe and honestly makes me feel rejected, over and over.

Now my birthday is coming up, and she’s planned a surprise weekend. She’s hinted that she’s planning to have sex then—but something about it just turns me off. After all the tension, rejections, and uncertainty, it feels off to suddenly “schedule” intimacy just because it’s my birthday. Like we only get to be close when she decides it’s appropriate.

Am I overthinking this? Or is it fair to feel weird about finally being wanted when it’s framed as a birthday gift?

For more context, we’ve only dated for 8 months and had a very passionate sex life before this.