My dad is a narcissist and wants me 50% of the time...

I'm a 14 year old boy, and my parents divorced 2 years ago. It was never really a good relationship for them and I heard a recurring amount of talk, like "you have trust issues" or "its your fault" or "you're too sensitive" etc. It involved a lot of gaslighting.

He has not been nice to me or my sister our whole childhood (he was all bark and no bite) but I feel like he has anger issues. He has been very tough on me during my homeschool where I was in the house all alone with him for 9 hours a day. I actually got into the national spelling bee two times and he trained with me. I thought it would be fun and enjoyable to learn. No. It most definitely was where I cried the most. He would sometimes have me do physical activity like running up and down the hill in our backyard or doing pushups if I messed up. I had panic attacks when I was 7 and am still dealing with them although they have ended abruptly. I had to have my mom tell him that the training was going to end.

One night, everything basically changed. I was in my moms room watching the television when my dad came in mad about something. My dad then wanted to talk to me in my room, in which I refused. It escalated and then involved my mom physically having to push him out of the door and lock it. He continued to bang on the door and was saying through the door, "this is against the law". My mom ended up threatening to call the cops, and he left the door. He then went to my sisters door, in which was also locked. He wanted to talk to her, in which my sister retaliated and started yelling at him through the door. As much as I didn't enjoy my dads behavior, I almost sort of felt bad for him at the time. So, I decided to talk to him and it was whatever.

So, my mom ended up filing a restraining order a few days later that I had not heard of. And instead of helping us clean up and move out of the house, he went down south to Texas to visit his family. Everyone in our family was mad about this. We ended up selling our house and moving in to rent a new place.

After that, I have one word to explain everything else. COURT. Lots of court. I chose to see my father every Tuesday, in which my mother was fine with and my sister was fine with, although she wants nothing to do with him. My dad also was very emotionally abusive to my sister to the point where he made her feel worthless and to the point of su**ide.

My dad often tried to make other plans with me outside of our visitations with bringing it up to me first instead of mom. Mom found out about this and told me to tell him that she needs to inform mom about the plans in which my dad followed.

The court judge assigned a therapist for us to meet with, in which my dad did not want to do but he basically had to do it anyway. It was to determine a visitation schedule for us. I think that my dad thought that the therapist would see his side so he had enough evidence to get me to stay with him more. This wasn't the case. After a while, I think his impatience hit its limit and his lawyer ended up sending my moms lawyer a file saying that my dad wants me 50% of the time.

We told the therapist and she said that dad "apparently no longer needs her services anymore". A year ago, there was a mediation to his 50% proposal. Now, after everything that we've been through, he does it again. Now my mom wants me to speak to the judge, which brings me to my main question in this post. What am I gonna tell the judge? I will also apparently be in a room with the judge and both my parents lawyers. I really want to keep things the way they are (the visitations have changed over time to a Tuesday and a Friday to Saturday overnight every other week, and a Tuesday every week) but I have a hard time telling him things that I want that he may not want cause I don't want him to feel bad, or that he might retaliate. I need help. Thank you.