not sure what to do for highschool

so i’m going into freshman year this year. in 6th and 7th grade i did virtual school, and went back this last year for 8th. and while i hated the virtual school, i really wanna go back. after this summer i’ve adjusted to much to not having to get up so early and be so stressed out and in so much drama that the idea of going back makes me insanely anxious, and wanna build a guillotine and use it on myself. i really wanna do virtual again, but i also really dont wanna miss out on high school since everyone makes it sound like a main experience in life. i really dont wanna go back, but i dont wanna miss it either. should i go back or do virtual?