Last Things and Sadness

Had a nice drink with my stbx last night, talked through some logistics, had the first discussion since this all kicked off about some of the things that lay behind our break up. Didn't go too deep, but it was the first minor acknowledgement that there was far more to it than just one sided blame. The emotions gave way to some rationality.

It was lovely, because it was the first time in ages I felt as if I was talking to the person I knew. We share a lot of the same goals, we still get on on a fundamental level of friendship, we want the same things for the kids, we agree generally on how we want to move forward, neither of us wants to rush things, we can still communicate.

I feel incredibly sad about it today. I don't know why, I've been feeling okay for days. We now have a moving in date for the appartment we'll share for the next 6-12 months in our nesting plan. Last night was the last night we'll ever spend in the same house together. From now on, we will coparent but do it alone. There will be no partner in the next room, noone to talk to in the moment when parenting gets hairy, noone to reflect on the day with when the kids have gone to bed, no-one to make a cup of tea for in the morning, or who will make a cup of tea for me.

It's such an incredibly lonely feeling, after 17 years of being in the same house.