AITA FOR RESENTING MY TRANS SIB

My sister is trans, as you can see by the title, mtf and I hate it. I hate her.

I promise this is not one of those posts that's like I want the 'old her' back, but honestly I wish it was, I wish I had someone to want back.

She's never really been an older sister to me, she's just there. Well actually, she wasn't really when I was growing up, she locked herself in her room and barely came out.

Before anybody asks if she's had a hard time, she has, like rlly rlly hard time and that's just making me realise how much of an asshole I am.

One thing that's recently annoyed me, and honestly made me cry, is a show she put on infront of my NINE year old brother. It's called 'smiling friends' or smth along those lines, it's horrible, I'm sorry, I get we all have different humour, but I just don't get how it's funny. She's nineteen, how doesn't she understand it's inappropriate for a nine year old?

Another thing that's upset me recently is how she seeks comfort from him, HE'S NINE. He's only nine years old, nine. I can't tell if I'm jelous or if this really is as inappropriate as I feel it is.

(An example of her 'seeking comfort' from him, in my opinion, is her saying stuff like: 'please draw with me, I'm feeling rlly shitty and I don't trust myself' and just her begging.)

We've never really had a relationship, I guess, I'm only just starting to think of how many times she's tried to 'get rid of me'. I think I just assumed it was normal for siblings but now I'm starting to think it's not, she used to attempt to drown me in the pool, try leave me behind at shops and lock me out the back (ect..).

Some of those are normal sibling things, but it's just started to feel more real to me, I guess.

The only memory I have of her playing with me, while she was in secondary, was when her friend came round and he insisted I play with them, well that was after hours of little me begging my sister; we ended up all really having fun on the trampoline but she still got mad at me after he went home.

I'm being a little harsh, sorry, but it's just been annoying me for a while. I think it's more because she's starting to actually hang around with my family and I'm jelous, jelous that someone who has hated me for so long is hanging around with me and my family.

Well actually, it's less hanging out with me, but she's being nicer in general and has even has stopped calling me and my brother nicknames like 'midget' and 'gremlin' and had started to call my brother ones like 'little dude' and just nicer ones in general I guess, I haven't had a nickname yet but it's fine. I'm kind of hoping she gives me one, y'know?

She's not a horrible person, I promise, these are some of the worst things and honestly reading over these has made me realise she's not a villian, just someone who was struggling and doesn't particularly like me. But that's fine, aslong as she's talking to me and getting along with everybody else. I guess I just don't want to get replaced by her?

She's started hormones recently, my mum and dad paying, which again is a hurt spot for me as I know we're not the richest and they're also paying for laser hair removal for her and therapy, she's also getting my mums room, the biggest room in my house.

My mum keeps saying it's so my little brother gets a proper room, my sister's gonna be old one, but I don't know. I just don't like it at all. She's gonna be going downstairs and sleeping on the pull out sofa with my dad but she's got alot of health issues so I don't know how that's gonna go and my dad and mum have been arguing more so them going to have to sleep together again is another whole problem.

A positive though is my house will be cleaner, it's kinda messy and has been for a while but my dads helped me tidy up my room and it's actually really nice now and my mum said we can paint my room so I atleast get something out of the change.

I love my parents, they have their bad days though and the bad days are bad but honestly they kick ass and I love them. I know they've kind of been a bad thing in my sisters view, but then fr I think I am too so I can't say much.

Something that's particularly been chewing at me this week is how my mums started to dry her hair after she has a bath and she's stopped doing that for me, well she did it once recently but cut the hair I was growing out off and I went to my friends house with wet hair lols, anyways, yeah, it's kinda getting under my skin the fact that that used to be me and my mums thing and now it's hers.

Anyway, this is it for now, ik I'm kind of an asshole but I am only 31 backward so please don't be too mean, oh and please don't post this in any form without consent I don't want anybody I know finding it.

I get me posting this is kind of doing the opposite but I guess I just want ppls opinions on how to make it better? Or make me a better person 😅?? For reasons this is all fake but fr advice would help, please.