I'm 19. Life right now doesn't seem youthful.

Growing up I always imagined that life was this big, vast thing where anything is anything. I'm now 19, my mind feels older. Experiences can be enjoyable but are short-lived, also not as enjoyable as before. Time is passing faster every year. I'm getting lonelier too. I haven't done shit all Summer. I procrastinate every little thing I'm supposed to do. My girlfriend left and went home, wanting a break. I couldn't fathom the concept of relationships or sacrificing self-respect to be with someone, but now I get it. I love this person and I can't really imagine my life without them. I never touched cigarettes, I couldn't fathom that either, but now I smoke. I'm becoming a person I never had any intention of becoming. Why do I feel that life isn't the open-world that I thought it was? I've never travelled, perhaps that plays a pivotal role. Lately, things feel weirder. It's an unpredictable world.

Has anyone ever been here? And if so, how'd you get out?