To stay or to leave

Hello, I have been stuck in a very confusing on-and-off relationship, and I need some outside perspective on whether it’s time to finally walk away.

We met at work, started together, and really clicked. He doesn’t have many close friends, mostly games with two people and has a small new group since starting a stressful role in emergency services. I’ve always been supportive — I got into his hobbies, we used to buy each other gifts, had happy moments — but I also struggle with ADHD, low self-esteem, and mental health issues that I put a lot of emotional weight on him for, especially when he was under pressure. He used to bend over backwards for me, but over time things got harder.

At one point I asked him to stop talking to a girl he got close to at work because it made me insecure, and although he did, I now regret how I handled it. We started clashing more. He said he felt I was too dependent and emotionally intense. He asked to take things slow after saying he needed space and wasn’t sure if leaving was the right decision, but still said he was scared to lose me.

We’ve been in this back-and-forth since the 23rd — one day he’s ignoring me or cold, the next he’s messaging me to say he’s not moved on, he still thinks about me, or even panic-calling me because he thought I blocked him. He once messaged saying:

“Hello, I am sorry for being awol for the past few days I have needed time to think and take a step back… I haven’t moved on or anything like that and every moment I’m sat all I think about is you.”

So I thought maybe space was working, but he doesn’t want full no-contact — just “a little bit” of talking. He sends me some Instagram reels that allude to relationships or breakups but avoids emotional topics via text. I’ve asked for clarity and he says things like “we’re still together,” but he doesn’t say he loves me or misses me unless I push for it, and says he’s not comfortable saying those things right now.

When I try to talk about my feelings or bring up relationship stuff, he gets overwhelmed or cold. At one point, when I tried to get reassurance, he said, “I don’t need coddling — I just need you to chill the fuck out. I do think of you sometimes, I just don’t share.” That hurt, but I think it shows that we communicate really differently. I tend to need verbal reassurance, while he internalizes things.

Eventually I reached a point where I called him and asked him to give it to me straight — and he said, “I miss you.” He asked if I wanted to stay over. When I did, it was fine — he hugged me, was affectionate, concerned I saw him as just a friend, and we spent some nice time together.

Since then, over the phone he’s mentioned things like getting a house and that I could stay or move in with him someday. That gave me hope. But day to day, his messages are still cold, distant, or inconsistent. He says he misses me, but his actions don’t show it — barely any calls, short texts, rarely engages with emotional or relationship topics. He insists there’s no one else involved, but I’m emotionally drained. He says he just wants to “take it really slowly” and gets frustrated when I ask what we are or where we stand.

I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’ve been trying to be patient and supportive, I’m in therapy now, and I’ve acknowledged the ways I was too intense. But I don’t know what more I can do. I want something mutual, but this feels like I’m the only one trying, and I don’t know if I’m holding onto false hope. I feel like I should write a break up message.

Should I be patient and give him the space he keeps asking for, or accept that this relationship is slowly dying and walk away for good?