I can’t picture my own image in my head

I don’t know if I’m looking for advise or to know if someone else feels similar things to me. So, lately I’ve been thinking about taking hrt more and more often, but as a nonbinary person I really struggle to understand if this is the right decision for me or not, even if I feel very aligned with being transmasc.

One issue I’m having is I don’t really recognise myself in the mirror and like never have since I have memories, but it’s not because I picture myself as being more masculine or more feminine than the image I see in the mirror, it is more like I don’t have an exact image of myself in my head. Every time I look at pictures of myself or in the mirror I’m more like: “oh, so that’s what I look like? Interesting.”

So when I look at men or transmasc people I think that I’d love to look more like them. But then when I look at the mirror I usually don’t have a lot of dysphoria because it doesn’t even fully feels like me. It’s like: “oh, that’s a person, they’re cute”

I have a lot of breast dysphoria and body dysphoria (one of the effects I want the most form T is fat redistribution), but my face is just like a face. I don’t even see it as a feminine or masculine face.

This is making it complicated to understand if I’d actually want the changes from testosterone or not.

Does anybody else feel similar things? If you do, how do you know if you need hrt or not?