I want to be happy. I really do.

Being me sucks. Since I was in grade school, I got used to thinking of all the negative scenarios that could happen, but never the positive ones. It calms me down if the negative scenarios don't happen. That's why it became my comfort zone to overthink and to think negatively, because it feels like I'm proving myself that if I think negatively, a positive output would really come out.

Sometimes it's really hard for me to admit that I'm happy, I think of all the negative things about me or other people because I'm scared that my happiness gets taken an away in an instant or it gets replaced by something worse. And I hate that I'm thinking that way. I want to be happy. I really do, but my fear that something bad will happen still prevails.