Struggling with faith

Hello all, after a really awful and traumatic couple of years I am truly struggling to keep my faith. I have cried out to and begged God many times to help or show me a sign and got nothing. Then I start to feel bad for doubting and feeling like I’m constantly asking stuff of Him all the time and not a good Christian. I truly am lost. How can I focus on the good and express gratitude, as opposed to keep remembering the bad and struggling with doubt. Why doesn’t He show me He hears 😞💔🙏🏻