Does anybody else look at other people to try to figure out what you look like..?

I want to be SUPER clear I don’t mean as inspo. That’s a completely different thing. What I mean my ED is to the point right now that I genuinely don’t know what I look like anymore. I already had a hard time with it before my current relapse, but now it’s gotten significantly worse (to be honest I didn’t know it could till now- but here we are 😭)

So I keep comparing myself to other people—not because I want to be them, but because I’m trying to figure out what I look like. Like: “Okay, they look like X, but their body shape is different… but we’re the same height, so maybe I look kind of like that?”

Or if someone says they’re X weight, my brain starts spinning like—“oh wait, I’m shorter but the same weight, so I probably look more like…” and it just won’t stop. I can’t turn it off.

At this point in my relapse, it’s automatic. Someone could be talking to me and I won’t even be fully listening—I’ll be looking at strangers walking by, wondering if our arms are the same or not. I’m not trying to compete or anything either when I’m doing it, I just truly want to know what I look like

I hate it but I can’t shut it off

Does anyone else do this? It makes me feel so weird and I wish I could stop