My family is making me miserable

This is the fourth time I’ve written in my notes apps just straight up ranting in like the last year, so sorry if it reads a bit wonky, I don’t feel like proofreading too much. Each time it’s just piling up exponentially. I fucking hate my family, everyone here drives me crazy and are straight up miserable (except my Dad, his only flaw is he talks way too much).

We moved, I sleep on the couch. My mom found an apartment the same week our old homeowner told us she was selling the house, and she put my name on the lease. If I didn’t sign, the deal would not go through so I felt guilted into coming as I didn’t know about this arrangement until it was too late to find a good place (and I low-key wanted a pool). All my belongings were packed up and put into storage first (except the Ps5 and a few books) with a promise that I could get some of my stuff out of the boxes. My family are hoarders, and all my shit just so happens to be in the very corner beneath all of their boxes (meaning I ain’t seeing it). I literally only have my clothes, a few games, all 5 Hunger Games books, blankets, and backpack. My sister always yells at me how I’m ‘spoiled’ when she’s the one living rent free in an actual room. She has no job, no license or permit to drive, and has no ambition for school (she applied for my community college, but she will drop out).

My older brother was recently kicked out by my mom for his behavior. We used to sleep on the same couch, except he made it so I would have to sleep with my lower legs hanging off, something which he could easily fix by just flipping 180 so we could have our feet near instead. He gets pissy pretty easily (he definitely has some undiagnosed issue) and has arguments all the time, and my mom and sister always engage with him. He works a job that has him waking up at 4 a.m., which often wakes me up, and has him going to bed by 9 p.m, which interferes with literally anything I want to do (mainly eating). Whilst I tried to be respectful of his schedule, my sister did not, being loud and obnoxious through the thin walls, stomping too and from her room to the bathroom, slamming both doors. This obviously led to him blowing up at literally everyone. The day he got kicked out, me and my dad were washing our dog at some station. We got phone calls where my brother was supposedly recording an argument between him and my sister, where she tried snatching his phone and he ‘hit her’, and the recording is also magically gone. Because he’s been kinda kicked out, he has me shuttling food he cooked to and from the fridge (he sleeps in his car now which has no fridge), which has me walking all over the place. My mom and sister always laugh at homeless people, and it just pisses me off that they did this to family.

I used to respect my mom, but the way she’s been handling how my sister has behaved her entire life has made me lose all of it, and I’m not even sure if I even love her anymore. We used to have a two year old dog, and he apparently had a seizure when she was taking him on a morning walk (which she rarely did, it was me and my dad who always watched over the dog) and passed away. He was a problem dog, which she avoided and never trained, but with me he was the sweetest boy and was lovely to people we walked past (since I tried training him). She says she dropped him off to get cremated with a group of other dogs, but she gave nobody any information on where and she never asked anybody else if we wanted his ashes or if we wanted to pay for them. She moved past his death so quickly, and I’ve overheard her and my sister laughing about it. Both me and my dad have a sinking feeling that he’s not even dead and was just dropped off somewhere. She never tells me anything, even as simple as to what she’s been doing for the day, and she never wants anything to do with me. The last time we did anything was watch the first episode of the new Daredevil, when she said she was too tired to continue and that we would ‘watch it the next night’. I’ve invited her to multiple things too which she’s denied, and then pretends to be interested when I come back from these events. Of course I’m not going to tell you what happened with huge amounts of detail, everything I do that she witnesses just ends up as gossip material (which are just my sister’s friends).

Literally 10 minutes ago, she spoke aloud saying how she ‘needed to find her wallet’

I asked, “where you headed?”

She responded “why do you care?”

So I spoke back and quickly said “i don’t” and went back to my book

Then she does some pissed off chuckle and went “okay then.”

Like wtf??? Why are you pissed off when you literally are getting what you want? Of course I don’t give a fuck anymore, it’s like she wants a rehash of every damn conversation I’ve had with her in the past year where I have to act so interested.

Anyways, she’s always with my 18 year old sister, and this sister is a genuine bitch, and honestly I don’t put that lightly. For the past seven years of my life, she has either ignored me or attempted to start arguments with me, only being a reasonable person when she’s needed something from me. As for the rest of my family, she always has loud arguments with them.

She never ate dinner with us as a family, and that’s never going to happen now since my dad hates coming back to the apartment when he’s not on work trips, my brother has been kicked out, and I’m the only one who even cooks now.

Freshman year she got jumped by four people which led her to transfer to another Highschool. That same year, I mentioned to some class friends that she was my sister and that they were ‘shocked I was related to her’. I’m not one to victim blame, but my school wasn’t one where you normally get jumped AND not robbed.

For the most part I attempt to avoid everything relating to her. She had a boyfriend for the majority of Highschool, in which he broke up for some reason. She then proceeded to stalk him with one of her friends (potentially with a weapon?), and got caught. My mom proceeded to do nothing about this. This past year, she ‘graduated’ by having my mom do all of her homework and class work for her (despite there being AI now, but whatever). She didn’t attend her graduation because she got threatened that if she showed up, something would happen, something which my mom relayed to the rest of the family (I checked the graduation livestream, and she actually didn’t show up so I guess my mom wasn’t lying about that).

She has faced no repercussions for any of her actions. She leaves everything a mess and barely cleans up when her boyfriends come over. I decided that moving in, I would only clean up after myself (or if it directly affects my living). The microwave is disgusting because she doesn’t cover her food or even put it in a plate, ‘ew why is the microwave so dirty???’. The toilet has her ORANGE PISS all over the rim AND THE LID, ‘ew, who left their pubes on the lid?’ (Which fair, my brother is also a slob, BUT YOU AINT BETTER). She also makes the bathroom smell like a long John silvers.

So anyways, she’s now on her fourth boyfriend in the past six months or so, and he’s only been here for about a month (they already have matching tattoos and ‘he’s the one’ so I expect he’s got a few months before he’s realized he’s sticking his dick in crazy). For some reason my mom trusts him more than me with literally anything. I NEVER got to use the car past practicing driving with my dad and using it on the exam, but him and my sister get to drive it wherever and whenever they please. One time, they did it right after they woke up, which was after a long night of drinking alcohol my mom bought for them, money which my dad gives us to buy groceries, which have not been getting purchased. I mean like we have had no paper towels for two weeks now, but alc, cigs (she has asthma btw), and fast food (not for me btw) are more prioritized.

Oh and the pool I was looking forward to using? Nope lol, never been, my sister gets the only key, which was supposedly ‘lost’ according to my mom, except they are always talking about how my sister is going to the hot tub. I’m not paying 50 dollars for a replacement key for an apartment where I’ll likely be kicked out of.

My mom is always making passive aggressive remarks to my life. I’m on summer break, couldn’t take summer classes cause I was busy moving, my job keeps cutting everyone’s hours and finding a second job is difficult (unless I were to apply to my current job, because let’s hire 5 more people to a crew of already 10. I’m sure everyone appreciates 1 fucking shift a week), and the little friends I have are on vacations. Oh, but because im always at the apartment, im a problem because I’m always in their way? I have no money to waste doing stupid shit and I literally can’t go to the pool. When I’ve been sick, they’ve shown no respect towards me, yelling in their rooms to each other whilst I try sleeping (oh, and last time I was sick, the only thing my mom talked to me about was to make sure I cleaned the toilet??? Thanks for asking me if I’m okay, and thanks for NOT doing the same with my sister’s piss stained toilet lid).

They’re ALWAYS fucking too, my sister and her boyfriend. First I thought they didn’t know I was home, texted my mom asking if they did know. Same thing happened the second time, where I then overheard later my mom and sister laughing. The third time, me and my mom were in the kitchen listening to them fuck in the shower (also she takes like 3 showers a day too), where she then told me ‘it’s normal; they’re going to get married anyways soon’. It’s not normal to have sex whilst other people are in the house??? Wtf??? And they keep doing it??? I literally can’t record my cat doing silly stuff because the background audio will be my sister moaning and constantly going ‘fuh’.

Not only do they shittalk me and my brother constantly, my sister especially is so fucking hateful. All of her ex-friends (which she has a bunch of), she says that the only thing they’ll amount to is being porn-stars, and she’s incredibly racist and homophobic saying slurs and shit. She’s recently starting saying ‘sup n-‘ (we’re white) after entering her room to greet whoever is in there, and she’s going to say it to the wrong person one day (and I hope she does, sorry guy who has to hear it though). Just recently, there was this black man who was selling candy door to door, talking about how he was ‘fundraising for youth sports’, so I checked to see if I had any spare cash on me. I didn’t, wished him well, and that was that. My sister then started laughing about it with my mom, both spewing racist shit (the window was open).

I’m so over this shit. I’m trying to get a car by the end of this week so I can tell my dad literally all the things I’m keeping secret about them (he already suspects things and has his own issues that I don’t truly know), the alcohol, shit talking of me, and the constant fucking, cause at that point I’ll only be homeless for my last semester of community college (I love camping, there’s some decent spots ifykyk, so I don’t think it’ll be too difficult) and I can get an apartment somewhere closer to the university I’m transferring to.