Please Help

I've been having trouble feeling feminine. I've tried finding videos on YouTube but all the advice I've gotten so far is "be thin and do your makeup" and I frankly just don't find that to be helpful. I know cis women have the same problem but there are at least spaces for plus size women to come together and support each other and feel feminine. Such a place doesn't seem to exist for crossdressers. So I guess I'm just feeling frustrated, like it's this even worth torturing myself and hiring my own feelings just to still get like a man in a dress, and a fat man in a dress which is definitely worse according to our society. I try really hard to not care too much about what other people think but it's just getting really hard when I'm constantly reminded that I do not meet any sort of beauty standards. Ever since I started doing this I've just started feeling worse about myself. I feel better in a lot of ways too but I've just been feeling really discouraged.

And yes, I am trying to lose weight, but I'm almost 40 and that's been incredibly difficult with everything else going on in the world. Stress eating is mostly under control now but it's always there waiting to rear it's ugly head.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my party party ted talk haha