questions about autism in women - specifically weed

Hi I am a 20 year old and have been struggling since honestly as long as I can remember.

I wanted to reach out ask for some clarity kind of on my situation because I have really been considering some type of neurodivergency as an explanation but I don’t want to come across as self diagnosing or rude or anything, but hear me out and please feel free to call me out on anything.

I feel like ever since I was a kid I’ve been dealing with anxiety or depression. I went to a psychiatrist sometime last year when things were really rough and she diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and also mentioned I should test for ADHD/Autism but as I’m in college I’m not sure if I can afford it right now, plus the idea of it freaks me out because what if I actually am yk?

Anyways I’ve struggled a lot with social situations… always felt out of place, and really not made any real friends, at least those who I trust completely. (I have a good group from high school though, but struggled a lot with them too from what I remember in high school) I think I have sensory issues? Like I cannot wear tight clothing especially when I’m trying to study. I’ve had experiences in which if I’m not comfortable or feel confident in what I’m wearing I’d literally start sobbing and would have to change before I calmed down. That could literally be due to body insecurities as well though, but like if its slightly form fitting but loose I’m chill yk.

I have soo many other things I could ask about but what I really wanted to know what everyone’s experience on weed is.

I think the first time I really began thinking about neurodivergence is analyzing my experiences on weed. When I was younger I would get severe panic attacks on it, to the point where I’m like genuinely losing it in front of my friends. I don’t smoke much anymore and when I do its very low doses in case, but when I think about what caused that its because weed makes me feel so vulnerable. I feel so “cringe” on it and not normal and like everyone can see through me. My experience on weed is crazy I feel so like out of control and can lowk just see through people and felt like everyone could see through me too. The second someone would point out something different about my behavior I would freak out and then it would result in a panic attack cause I couldn’t control how I was acting. If I started smoking too much I would just go mute. Like I understood what everyone was saying just couldn’t form the correct words to say back. That stuff lowk freaked me out though afterwards.

Anyways doing some research online people have said that smoking forces them to lose their mask and thats what causes their anxiety as they’re not prepared for it but I wanted to hear from you all your opinions on this.

What has been your experience on weed? Pleasant? Similar to mine? And why or why not do you think?

I would want to go for a diagnosis in the future but I get really nervous about it because I don’t want to go into it unless I’m absolutely sure. The thought of going through it all just for someone to say “nah you’re overthinking it” is so scary.