Constantly feeling evil
Posting this as both a vent and way to seek out advice. I constantly feel like I am an evil person. When I don't feel terrible, it's just there, like a matter of fact thing- something like "I'm evil on the inside and that's just who I am" like its an innate part of who I am. When I do feel terrible and am in the middle of all these intrusive thoughts, whatevers, I feel like its some inexcusable moral crime. As in I have definitely had a lot of episodes where I would be begging for forgiveness for my sins or looking into religion even if I am not religious myself. Last night I was lying in bed and in my head I just had varying repetitions of how Evil I was on the inside, and while it wasn't breakdown levels of bad I just couldnt sleep for an hour straight. I don't think I've done anything terrible either, I mean I can be pretty judgemental of others in my head but otherwise I try to help others as much as possible even if it doesn't give me anything back. But sometimes my brain doesn't really view that as being a good person and more as doing things because that's what good people are supposed to do, if that makes sense. I'm on meds, 60 mg of prozac and it's definitely helped calm my thoughts down but I feel like nowadays whether I spiral is dependent on other factors like if I just so happen to think about my specific triggers and choose to continue entertaining those thoughts, which is a pretty bad thing. Don't really know what I'm looking for posting this, I guess just other people's experiences and thoughts and what they've done to cope with their symptoms.
Posted Aug 4, 2025, 11:17 AM UTC