[208] The revised opening few paragraphs of a sci-fi comedy called “Flem”

After some feedback on this subreddit and beta readers, I’ve revised the opening to Flem.

Underneath the light pollution canopy of Phoenix, an hour’s drive from seeing the Milky Way, in a boxy one-bedroom apartment, Mike sat unaware he was going to be accidentally abducted by an alien.

If you visited his apartment, you’d pass through a galley kitchen, with two drawers painted shut, and enter a small dining area or living room just large enough to choose a table or a couch, not both. He thought he might have a guest over for dinner someday, so he chose a table. He ate exactly one meal one time at his table. A few drops of that pasta sauce still adorned the glass top 2 months later, but you wouldn’t see these spots because empty Amazon boxes and mail covered them. Fortunately, it was free from a neighbor who elected for a couch instead.

Mike seldom left his apartment for anything besides work or groceries. He preferred staying inside where it was slightly cooler and safer. Inside was also where his computer was. He played video games, ate, and did nearly everything else at the desk in his bedroom. The gunshots and shouting were outside but he was safely inside, sitting at his computer, drafting a reply to the email he’d waited weeks for.

In the spoiler block blow is a question I’d like to be read after reading the 208 words. I don’t want to taint your impression.

!Do you, in the first 3 paragraphs here, know that this story is 3rd person omniscient?!<

Any other feedback is appreciated.

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