Hi! My viet parents don’t really have friends.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is, what i’ve seen in families that do have strong social circles, and why this matters.

what i notice in families with strong social circles:

• they see friends regularly like weekly
• they have full lives outside their kids
• their relationships (partner + kids) seem lighter, more playful
• they tend to have more money, time, and energy
• they’re not glued together 24/7
• they want to see their family because they had space apart

why my parents don’t:

• language + cultural barriers in white suburbia
• people are cliquey or racist, or just don’t get their accent
• they’ve been burned before, so now they don’t bother trying
• culturally taught that family > friends so anything else feels selfish
• most of their energy goes into working and parenting
• no time or access to cultural events (or too shy/prideful when they do show up)
• kinda out of practice socially, which leads to awkward convos, bragging, or accidentally being rude

why this is actually a big deal:

• if your only social circle is your family, especially your kids, you never get practice being considerate to equals
• makes it harder to grow emotionally (bc no outside feedback or consequences)
• they start treating kids like therapists or emotional crutches
• the kids end up burnt out, socially stunted, or stuck in the same cycle
• they can’t learn new models of healthy relationships because there’s no one to model from
• abusive behavior goes unchecked because there’s no outside mirror
• to cope, they doomscroll or fall into weird corners of the internet that prey on isolated, vulnerable ppl

possible solutions i’ve thought of:

• reconnect with old friends
  • but they’ve grown apart, or live far away
• join interest-based groups (book club, walk group, etc.)
  • but they’re shy, or feel culturally out of place
• attend more cultural events
  • but events are hard to find if you’re not tech-savvy, and once you show up, it’s awkward they don’t know anyone, don’t know what to say, don’t want to seem desperate