I dumped him but i regret it

My ex and i dated for 6 months. But i genuine reasons to take a break from us (couple of things included: i felt him and i were not compatible, i had a lot of sexual trauma (r*pe) and what not, we were both in extremely different places)

I just couldn’t bring myself to continue seeing him. I know we loved each other deeply, truly. He was someone I’ve never had intimacy like that before.

Fast forward today, i am moving to another city for work. And i had messaged him a few times to meet. And we did and ended up hooking up. And everything i had held back telling him in the past few months came flooding out. I couldn’t stop messaging him. I told him everything I’ve ever felt about him, and how i wish he would give this a chance. But he said he’s moved on (not with anyone else) just moved on from me, although it didn’t feel like that when we met, the connection we have is so unexplainable.

I know i messed up by ending things, and i will own up to it everyday, for as long as he forgives me. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget him. His silence to most of my messages, to things I’ve never shared with anyone but him, broke me into a million pieces.

I just a video today…and I don’t know if i should reach out to him..I’m scared. It’s like talking to a wall honestly.

I’ll share these videos here, since I can’t share it with him

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DI4YhuvsLB-/?igsh=YXR6YnR3eWlveG4=

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMi4YkjoJEb/?igsh=MTNmZXN6enFobG5lYg==