AITA for not inviting my son-in-law?

I’m struggling with a dilemma and I don’t think im TA but it’s a difficult position.
My older daughter got married last year. They’ve been together since high school and he’s been on many family vacations with us. He’s been fully included in the family for many years. I’ve driven them around as teens and now adults for a decade. There have been some instances concerning anger related behavior from him, especially in the past two years. Repeated road rage events, one where I’ve had to go get both my daughters from the side of the highway because they were terrified and got out of his car. I banned my underage teen daughter from riding with them for 18 months due to his behavior.

I thought we’d moved past that but a new event popped up that has the whole family concerned and distancing themselves from him. He and my daughters and my elderly father came to visit us as a day trip. We live a few hours away. Things seemed ok till later in the afternoon. My 14 year old son wanted to show his big sister his driving skills. We’re in the country and it’s a big circular gravel road on private property. He takes it seriously and is very responsible. She went for a ride with him around the loop.

At this point, my son in law gets in their vehicle, tears out and intersects with the path my son is driving, causing him to have to stop abruptly. My son in law goes to my sons side and is screaming at him. My son locks the doors and son in law goes to the other side to my daughters window where he proceeds to scream at my son for ‘disrespect’ and threatened to drag him out of the truck and beat his ass. My daughter closes the window and tells my son to go around the vehicle and park. So he did. My son in law jumps in their suv, slams it in reverse and proceeds to race backward 80 feet into the space next to the truck.

My son came in and told us what happened and I went out to find out what the hell my son in law thinks he’s doing. My daughter is screaming at him and he’s screaming back and I’m realizing they have one of the most toxic dynamics I’ve ever seen. He gets out of the suv and heads off down the road because he says he’s walking home and she’s still screaming at him. After he’s gone I found out that on the drive up he drove like a maniac at 95+ mph in the rain and my elderly dad had to yell at him to slow down.

Long story short, he hid in the woods for the next 2 hours till he finally came back and gave a half hearted apology.

More happened in the 24 hours after they got home, an argument between them that my other daughter heard on the phone before the call ended and called me, worried. Older daughter was unresponsive to my calls and and sent one text for the next 45 minutes during which her sister and I decided a welfare check was necessary. So they’re both pissed at me for that but I’m not freaking sorry. I wasn’t certain the text was from her and all I could see was shades of Brian Laundrie. (I was later asked to apologize for comparing him to a murderer and I refused because what I said was taken out of context.)

To the current point. I was in town for my elderly father to have some testing and we wanted to take him to his favorite restaurant afterward. I asked my older daughter if she wanted to join us and she immediately jumped to inviting her husband. I said let’s talk about that. The conversation did not go well. The rest of the family doesn’t want him there. It’s been about a month since it happened and frankly, we all want a little space from him. She’s livid that we don’t want him there. I hate making her chose. But actions have consequences.

I get that he apologized. And that’s great. But his behavior is escalating, not getting better. I fear for her safety. I fear for my families safety after he threatened a 14 year old kid for no reason, or worse, imagined disrespect. His behavior is unhinged and he has no regard for the safety of others. She blames his ADHD and impulsivity. The way they fought that day, she’s one button-push away from him impulsively hitting her. Or worse.

So, AITAH for not inviting my son in law to a family dinner under the current circumstances and wanting some distance for now?