The reality is creeping in

I always thought engineering was about making stuff, making something new. But nope it is all the same. All over jee again. I still haven't gotten over the feeling of being labeled as a failure because I didn't clear it. But now again it just grind DSA and you might have a chance to get a job. Otherwise just stay jobless. Leetcode, leetcode, leetcode. I hate it, hate it with all my heart. Why the hell did I even choose engineering, I shouldn't have chosen it. This is all my fault. My existence itself is a fault.If I don't clear it, I will be labeled again a failure. It was so horrifying getting out of jee. It still haunts me. I got no fucking clue about what I want, I was never given a chance to even find out what I want. But I guess thats life. Just have to accept it. Keep my heads down and just do leetcode. Who cares. If life is this boring and meaningless I would rather choose death. Death is so good actually. Death is like a friend. I don't get why people are afraid to die, I am not. Instead I am happy that I can die, what a privilege.