Diagnosed Last Week

Hey all. I stumbled across this community ironically because of my OCD lol.

So I started therapy a month ago and was referred to a nurse practitioner psych last week. This led to an OCD diagnosis last Wednesday. As I reflect back most of my obsessions have been generally harmless my entire life. Playing RPGs and needing to almost 100% clear everything, having a perfectly organized music library, becoming obsessed with game of thrones falling down reddit rabbit holes on prince that was promised theories, refreshing Twitter all day long to track every single thing that happens in NFL training camps, etc etc.

However, on the negative side I have struggled significantly over the years with health anxiety. Always thinking symptoms that most people wouldn’t focus on are some terminal or major illness. It is a vicious cycle of obsessive googling (or ChatGPTing these days) and asking my wife all day for reassurance until I would go to the doctor for a clean bill of health. The doc would confirm I was fine and my anxiety disappears immediately until the next symptom. Until I get that confirmation, I am a nervous wreck and it affects my ability to essentially enjoy life.

What led to my diagnosis is a few bad nights of sleep here and there over the last year has spiraled into an acute insomnia episode. It would only happen one night and then I sleep fine for weeks after, but it progressively got more frequent. Before this I was literally a perfect sleeper for my entire life. Last week it spiraled into a week straight of 4-5 hours of fragmented sleep a night. I have become terrified of sleep googling insomnia, effects, ways to try and sleep, everything. This crisis was what I was referred to the psych NP. They prescribed me Luvox and Lunesta. The Lunesta has definitely helped me get better sleep. I started Luvox yesterday. Funny enough I am now scared of med side effects and have been obsessively googling that now while also being scared of sleep. I am also terrified of needing a sleep aid long term.

I am 38 years old, happily married to my wife for 10 years in October. She is the reason I finally started therapy. I have been leaning on her too hard and I recognize that. It is draining on her and our marriage. We have 3 beautiful daughters aged 8, 6, and 2.5 weeks old (yup!). I have a successful career and I really am so grateful for all of this. I have actually come to feel significant guilt that my rumination prevents me from fully enjoying it all on a daily basis. I guess I am just looking to vent but also see if anyone else has experienced something similar. Were you able to overcome? Am I being silly for fearing the meds? Any advice or thoughts are welcome. Thank you so much in advance.