Forgivness

I know we are called to forgive. I have forgiven before. Said "thats alright im ok." Sometimes I have done this even when i actually don't feel ok. I am having trouble reconciling the forgiving part with the being OK with it part.

Namely this is something I have experienced on a large scale with my mother. I don't talk to her now because of this which is painfully hard to say. She is narcissistic, manipulative, self-pitying and self defeating wanting to always play the victim and because of this, she has hurt me mentally and emotionally while growing up. She would scream at people at family functions, fight with my dad (they are divorced) in front of me and my friends, she has even kicked him on one occasion at a funeral.

I have stated I have forgiven her. I get uncomfortable and even bring up that I forgave her when someone makes. Joke about how unstable she is. I have said before that I want her to get help so she isnt hurting anymore. Im not OK with the things she has done but I am moving forward from them without dwelling on them daily. I do not expect her to apologize or take responsibility. It just seems like a bit of cognitive dissonance to say youre forgiven but im done speaking to you. Can someone help me understand this better?