Vent - it's over.

Well that's it, as of right now i don't need this sub anymore.

I already wrote a post here and had to delete it since she read it and wasn't very happy about it. Now that i blocked her everywhere, it's time.

So yeah. I don't know why i'm still hurting and why my brain can't think of anything else than the good times. She cheated on me, put a lot of blame on me and basically did everything to somehow say that i am the problem.

I don't understand. I still don't even understand why she decided to end it. Everything was fixable, but it seems like now that she used me to feel good about herself, she doesn't need me anymore. i did everything for her and would still do everything for her. I fought so hard, i put in so much energy and this is the thanks.

This is the second time we broke up. She promised me she would never be that stupid again, she promised me she would never hurt me like that again and now she did basically the exact same thing, only worse.

The last days were so hard. There were more problems, but it started with her breaking my trust and then it spiraled downwards. I left for the week to go to my parents place and we promised each other to not break up, but instead use this time alone to think and find solutions on how i can be there for her in her transition and how we eventually can work on me gaining her trust again.

I found myself pretty quickly and was so happy to finally tell her the fact that I am ready to put in my everything, that i want to 100% support her through the next big steps and I'm excited for our future. I had to put myself and my broken trust aside, because right now, it was about her transition, about her srs, but she told me i was too late.

We never talked about solutions. In fact, when i offered solutions, she searched desperately for reasons on why it couldn't work. She didn't want to put in the energy for me and yes, she broke up over text. After 4 whole years.

She lied to me a lot, rarely really communicated and after talking to so so many of my friends because they are so concerned about me, i am now certain that it wasn't my fault. I was manipulated.

I am very sure that she is with the girl she cheated on me with, or at least is on a good path to doing so, thanks to Instagram recommended. Seems like she created an account just so she can keep on communicating with my ex, because i made her block her on discord. Fun.

I'll lose a wonderful workplace and a wonderful place to live, sure, i'll also lose a person who made me happy a lot

But she lost a person who did everything for her, two wonderful cats and a lot of other material things.

It does hurt like hell, but i am also somewhat okay with it, strangely. I feel envy for her new potential lover and a lot of anger, but i have an appetite, i can laugh and i feel relief at times.

So, any advice for healing after this?