Just looking for support from those who get it..

I’m a 36 year old mother to two. My first born daughter is alive, and my second daughter died at full term during labour last September. Following that, we were left with 0 answers as the hospital literally through out the placenta (I live in Canada where healthcare is free.. not too much I can do about that unfortunately 😢) we decided because of my age and what we went through, that we would do IVF to hopefully have another baby we so long for, and liked the idea that we could genetically test them. All of this with the hope I’d get pregnant easier and we’d know it was likely a healthy baby. Then, the clinic froze the embryos before testing them. They offered to thaw, test and refreeze at our cost, but we declined as we only had 5 embryos. So the confidence that another baby would be okay was thrown out the window too. They did wind up paying for AI testing but I feel that’s not close to ptga.

We did a transfer in May, and it resulted in a chemical. We just did another transfer 5 days ago. Like most of us do, I took a test this morning. It showed positive. I had a moment of hope and happiness. I go to tell my husband, and his reaction was shock that I even tested again so early, how it’s so early and I could lose the baby again. I then tell my mom, who I assume will react happily.. well she reacted the same. Both of them brought me to tears. They have been my main source of support after losing my daughter and this hell of a ride we’ve been on since with IVF. But I am so sad that the assumption is that I’ll lose this one too. As if testing early somehow will make me lose the baby?

I know they feel horrible for their reaction. I know they just are scared, as I am too. But it’s just so unfair that after such a massive traumatic loss and all the hell we’ve been through since, that all joy and happiness surrounding a possible pregnancy is gone. It’s all fear. But I feel since I’m the one physically living all of this, even some fake excitement would be nice.. a little encouragement.. how did they not consider that reaction would be very detrimental to me.. now I’m spiralling..

I’m just so upset. I guess I’m just looking for support from other mamas who have maybe experienced the same. And any advice to hopefully make this a happier time. Of course I pray so badly this sticks, I know I can lose it. But it’s so unfair to have to think this way, and to know it’s made my husband and my mother think this way too. 💔