im scared that im in denial

i feel nothing, no positive emotions, only negative, i feel nothing when i look at him, talk to him, think about good times, i cant remember good times, how it was to feel love, it feels real , like im in denial, like deep down this is my truth and the fear is now real, bc i changed, i am not as i used to, i am not loving as i was, im nothing…. am i not supposed to be happy? why am i in agony? its not only the thoughts that comes in affirmations, not questions, but the bad feelings, the absence of feelings. i am sad. maybe i just cant accept the truth and i dont want to hurt him. my mind makes explanations that make sense .