I survived pediatric strokes at the cost of my godmother’s child

I survived a pediatric stroke at the cost of my godmother’s child

I do apologize in advance for the long post, but I’m really just starting to get in to this mentally so it’s a lot.

My godmother is also my father’s goddaughter. They are close. When I was young she lived with us while she was completing her masters and her father and my father were best friends since childhood. She might as well be a daughter to my father/very older sister to me.

Anyways, at just before my 5th birthday I began having mini-strokes (originally incorrectly diagnosed as Charlie horses) and then 1 week later had a life threatening clotting stroke.

I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. And many months of physical therapy afterwards (I think it ended up being just about 2 years).

I fully recovered (according to doctors at least, my personal thoughts say the jury is still out 🤣)

I grew up normal and went off to college etc etc.

Well I got married last year. And due to family circumstances my godmother gave a toast instead of my mother or father.

My incredible godmother went in to a story of when she heard I was at the hospital for a stroke. She was pregnant at the time of my stroke. About 5 months along. She began explaining how every night (mind you I’m not religious but I overall don’t mind religion) she (let’s call me John for now, her child was going to have the same name as me, so let’s go with John) would pray that “god you need to take MY John. If it keeps this little one alive then I am willing to lose my own John, just please do not take the little Johnny I’m seeing now”

Now that’s brutal to hear. I had not heard that before. And it gets worse because her John was miscarried exactly 2 weeks from when I was released from the hospital.

I’m not religious. But that woman prayed away her own child for me and it has been absolutely brutal for me in the year since she gave her toast.

I don’t think I need reassurance or anything, I don’t think I even need advice. I just needed to kind of explain what happened to random strangers on reddit cause….frankly I don’t know what else to do.

She was never able to conceive again. She prayed for me and she lost her child for it and I don’t know how to feel about it all.

Thank y’all for scrolling through my rant. Just needed to type out some feelings and what all happened and such.