My dad died today

It was sudden and unexpected.

He was absent for almost my entire life, but we had reconnected over the last few months. I don’t think he was an inherently bad man, though I did/do have a lot of built up resentment due to him never being around. I never even called him dad. He just hadn’t been set up for success and had made some questionable decisions in his life, but I guess haven’t we all?

It’s not as if my daily life will really be affected by this, I’ve survived without him for almost 30 years and I live half a world away from him and his side of the family. But I do feel an intense sadness that he’s now gone and it’s like a concrete, solidified ending to what our father/daughter relationship will ever be. There’ll be no progression from here, no trips to visit each other, to discover similarities between ourselves we never knew were there.

That’s all. I just needed to type the words out.

Goodnight dad.