Thinking of friendzoning, not cutting off

I made a post about my relationship here already, and in a way I knew what the answer was, but hearing other people really helped. This whole subreddit has been very helpful.

I know it’s foolish not to go no contact, but I can’t help it. I’ve gone no contact with my narc mother, but that was easier. Not only did I have years of abuse to back me up, but I was a child and that puts me in the vulnerable position. With my girlfriend, we’re the same age and this is the first conflict. It feels wrong to jump ship after the first tough wave, even if I know it makes sense in the context of BPD.

I do like her, and I do want to help her. And whereas my whole family dislikes my mother, everyone in the friend group likes my girlfriend. I don’t want to break the group up, but I don’t want me or her to be abandoned by it either.

I learned a trick with my mother, where you can feign feeling guilty and self blaming, it gives them the power they want, but then you don’t give in when they switch to love-bombing. That’s what I’m thinking of doing.

I’m thinking I’ll tell my gf that I’m just not ready for relationships, that I’m too new to dating to understand things like this. I’ll phrase it like we’re taking a step back from full on romance, but I’ll still be here for her. And we’ll continue the friendship, with me learning more of her triggers so I can do better. Making it out to be a healing thing, not an abandonment.

Then, if things do get harder, it’ll be easier to leave without the shackle of being a lover, and I can hope it won’t be as easy to paint me as an asshole ex-boyfriend if we do (inevitably) split apart.

I don’t know if soft-launching a breakup works in situations like this. I was wondering if anybody here has ever tried a similar strategy, and if so, how it turned out?