For context: me (22f) and my ex (23m) were together for ab 2yrs, then broke up for about 8 months then got back together on the 10th of June. 
He was the one who came to me and asked to start over a new leaf as we were pretty toxic before. 
He was speaking to a few girls when we were broken up which is fine he is single I said I don’t care what u do when you are not speaking to me. 
We spoke through a lot of things, I said I will control my emotions and stop over reacting to things and he promised me that he will stop speaking to other girls (as he was before with a girl scribbled out in red in the texts) he booked a spa the day he asked to start back again.
The month from then, everything was great we were both putting in effort (u can see what I’ve done in the screenshots) then we decide to go on holiday together as we’ve always planned to do. 

Before we’re about to take off- I see a girl in his WhatsApp archive. He then proceeds to gaslight me after I asked to see his phone saying that “if I don’t trust him etc this will never work” after me profusely asking and his constant lying and gaslighting he finally tells me he was messaging someone and it’s nothing and it’s a family friend and only one message a day ( the typical textbook lies lol) I then ask to see the messages (took a while again) then I saw he was literally messaging the girl when he went to the toilet whilst we were literally at the gate. 

Keep in mind I was superficially speaking to someone for a few days, and the day my ex wanted to start up again, I told the guy that I was no longer interested and immediately stopped speaking to him as I know it is wrong. 

I was absolutely fuming and cried the whole way to the destination on the plane (if the girl was was seated next to us is reading I’m really sorry for the drama) he was apologising but kept saying “we’re not together” making him seem valid for messaging her EVEN THOUGH we’re on the plane to a holiday. I literally wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He kept saying he knows he should have stopped messaging her when we got back together but he was “scared that I was going to ruin the relationship again etc” he has been on a date with this girl when we weren’t speaking. 

He says stuff like “I’m not going to stop looking for a potential wife” like okay fine then why are you on holiday with me wtf

I was so hurt because the first week after he broke up with me, he moved on so fast before I could even catch a breath (kissed a girl infront of me at a club and went back to her house whilst he knew I saw everything) as I was mourning our 2 yrs together. Because of this I became addicted to sleeping pills and an alcoholic and I was in the worst mental state of my life for 3-4 months. This is why I was more pissed when he said “I was kind off hoping you found out because I didn’t want to keep messaging her hahah” bare in mind he clearly wasn’t giving her any signals he wanted to end this as the last message from the girl was: “would you like to grab a coffee this week” . So he knew how much this could have potentially affected me and still chose to do it. 

Luckily I am more secure and in more control of my emotions now compared to when we first broke up. So after the plane, he messaged the girl saying he can’t speak to her anymore as he is seeing someone else. And when we got to the hotel I tried to forget everything and enjoy our time as we were already on holiday. If I would have known this before I would have cancelled the trip. I did keep bringing it up in jokes and he did keep apologising. But there was always a hint of defensiveness to his apologies like “we aren’t together” etc.  until I gave up and just protected my peace. The holiday ended up being very fun and I just wanted to continue this and chose to trust him. 

He is now in America doing an elective for his degree. So things are long distance right now.

After that I decided to forgive and forget. And things have been amazing for a few weeks as I’ve decided to just ignore this. 

I hate being those types of “toxic girlfriends” so I have not asked to see his see his phone or text me whenever he’s with ppl etc. I know I’ve chosen to continue this relationship so I don’t want to be controlling and toxic

However argument start with me asking subtle questions about something or someone as I have trust issues now. He then reacts rashly and says i accuse him off stuff with how I tone my questions and my facial expressions and how I can be blunt etc. he then calls me insecure, when I was literally more secure before I got back with him. 

All of this is now making me react in ways that I hate i get overly reactive and start crying and prolonging arguments which is draining for the both of us but I feel like he just doesn’t understand my point. And I am always the problem to him because I can’t control my emotions. 

We’ve been calling and things have been off again with a lot of tension for about a week as I’m “always upset” or always “having a got at him” today he just brought all of that up and I explained how the situation of him messaging the girl has been driving me crazy, he then proceeded to blame me, say it’s not all his fault etc. I then ended the call and the screenshots are from after the call. 

Am I over reacting by thinking his apology isn’t sincere and he’s still insinuating that I am partly to blame? 

AIO: Went on holiday with ex after a great month of getting back together. Found out he was messaging another girl on the plane.