Burnt out, on sick leave, and planning to leave my job

Hi everyone, I really need some advice and maybe just a bit of support too (first time posting so please be gentle…)

Since the beginning of this year, I’ve been under so much pressure. First from personal issues and then from being unemployed for a while. When I finally got a job in april, I felt relieved. I really wanted it to work. But now, just three months later, I feel completely broken.

It became too much, too fast. The communication was poor, the work environment felt toxic, we were constantly understaffed, I had a long daily commute (1.5h), and on top of that, I work in a part of the country where almost everything is in dutch. I’m still not fluent and was trying so hard to keep up, but I was drowning.

I cried every single day on the train to and from work. I had panic attacks, anxiety, emotional crashes, even while I was on shift. About a week ago, I kinda hit rock bottom. I was so mentally exhausted and anxious that I had to ask my supervisor if I could leave during my shift. I’ve been on sick leave since then.

Even before the breakdown, I had told HR and my manager that I was planning to resign, although I hadn’t submitted anything officially. But now that I’ve finally stopped, now that I’m on sick leave, I just know deep in my heart that I cannot go back there. I honestly think it would break me.

My plan now is to speak with the bedrijfsarts and explain that I need time to recover both mentally and physically. I’m thinking about ending my contract in the end of october, mainly for UWV requirements, and in the meantime I want to ask HR if we can arrange garden leave until then with mutual agreement.

While I’m still employed, and ideally still on garden leave, I’m hoping to travel back to asia next month for a few weeks to be with my family. I really need that time to breathe, feel safe again, and start healing.

Do you think this is something that could work? Has anyone been through something similar? Right now I just feel completely burnt out, maybe even depressed, and I’m scared of being stuck in this cycle. Any advice or similar experiences would mean a lot.