Family events are the absolute worst.

For context, I have decently faded self harm scars on my left wrist and I’m used to the normal reactions and comments but recently my family had a big celebration for my great uncle and aunts 50th marriage anniversary(they married young.) which I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be going to simply because it had the entire extended family their, second cousins, big group of people. Anyway, I get there with my parents and it goes fine for most of it and I just chill and try to have some fun and turn off my severely depressed and anxious brain. My…Great Aunt’s younger sister was their, real religious nut, the judgy kind. I didn’t mind and I had purposely avoided dressing goth today to avoid conflict but about half way through the dinner, my second cousin asks.

“Are those fake? Like drawn?”

I say. “No, why would I do that?”

To which then my great aunts sister says. “You know it’s a sin right? To harm yourself? You could go to hell for that.”

To which something in me snaps, I stand up and say. “I’ll see you there!” Before I storm off and call my friend to come pick me up. She did and I stayed the night at her place and just cried for a long time before biting myself to relieve tension. Now, a few weeks later, my parents want me to go to my cousins birthday party and I know that the more conservative side of my family is just gonna make it hell for me. All of this makes me wanna stick a knife down my throat.