My bf doesnt get me gifts for some special days. I dont want him to think im being ungrateful.

I dont know if im in the wrong in this and I guess I just want some outside opinions because I see both of our sides of the story and I think we are both semi valid.

My boyfriend (m20) and I (f19) have been dating for 9 months and our first anniversary is right around the corner. I plan on making him a couple things and buying a few other and basically just making a cute gift for our anniversary because I love giving thoughtful gifts and this is very important to me and special. Ive never celebrated one year of being together with anyone and the accomplishment means a lot to me. He didnt really seem to be as overall excited about it although im sure he is.

Now, my boyfriend and I live pretty different lifestyles. I go to community college and he works a 9-5 and makes A LOT more money than I do. Enough where he pays for both of us everytime we go out, splurges most times when we want it and drives both of us around. I recognize that and i am super super grateful. My gifts are typically more handmade and smaller. On the other hand, for valentines day he cooked us a homemade steak dinner for valentines day and we spent the weekend at his and i gave him a gift. I loved the dinner he made us and we had a wonderful time, he didnt get me flowers or anything else though. For my birthday he rented out a beautiful cabin for the weekend, bought us groceries, drove us there and did everything but he didnt get me anything. I LOVED that weekend and I made so many amazing memories. That situation is different because I know the cabin was really expensive and I was grateful nonetheless, I consider it an exception.

I've told him before that i think flowers are a really sweet thing to get but he's never gotten me any. He says that theyre pointless, they die anyways and that anybody could get flowers. But I've tried telling him that it doesn't matter, I still treasure them. I keep them and dry them out and try to keep them in a place where they can stay preserved. But he still doesn't understand and says its pointless which I just sort of get sad about because I think flowers are really nice. I've also mentioned a promise ring before and those little engraved pendant necklaces from pandora and he doesnt really comment on those but he thinks promise rings are dumb because he says that if he's gonna give me a ring its going to be an engagement ring. There I really don't care as much because its a different idea, I used to think how he did, I just think theyre a nice detail. Im not worried about getting a promise ring as much. But in truth my biggest concern is with the flowers and other types of gifts.

When I sent him a screenshot of a promise ring today he said he would do a trade. "A ring for a ring" and then he explained he meant my septum. When we met we already had the septum piercing and not until a little bit into our relationship did he express that he didnt like it and still mentions it, like he did today. Everytime he does it upsets me because of how he says it, with disgust. I told him it would be like me telling him to pierce his nose because I wanted him to. He is more right leaning and I am more left and its caused a couple of bumps in the road but with time we have worked through them. The point is that its not fun when he brings it up because it really bothers me.

So, our one year is coming up and he wants to just go out to dinner and hang out together. I wanted to maybe find a hotel and visit another city because we have done bigger things one non-specific days than just dinner. We talked about it and we would go to a really fancy restaurant and dress up and just spend a great time together to celebrate. I am really okay with doing either one and i essentially dont NEED to go out. Having a nice steak dinner (which he said he would pay for) and hanging out after, maybe walking downtown is actually a great evening. It's just that I told him I would be giving him a gift and I said I would want one too but he said he wouldn't be getting me one and I mentioned again how I liked flowers and he still said he though they were meaningless. I said I was trying to tell him that there's just that one thing that means something to me and he hadn't ever done it for me and that I wasn't trying to come across as ungrateful. I've mentioned things like this before and everytime he would just say "hmm I think its time for me to start saving money and only spending it on myself" but in a mean way and that was rude because of what he was implying. He didn't say that this time he just said "you're unsatisfied because I have never given you anything but I spent thousands of dollars on experiences and memories for us" and for him experiences are better than gifts which also has some truth to it. I get what he was trying to say. he also said "expensive dinner or nice jewelry" which i think is also fair I just think i would prefer us doing a more traditional celebration of dinner than just a gift. I dont know, I havent thought about that as much. Im not sure what we will end up doing quite yet.

To be honest, I feel really bad because i know I seem so ungrateful but I truly wouldn't trade any of those time for the world. I just want him to understand that its something I like and I guess I just get confused on why if he spends $1000 on a cabin why he wouldn't spend $15 on a kroger bouquet just because he knows I'll like it. I tried telling him that even though they dont matter to him, it still means something to me.

We have been sort of going through a rough patch and I feel bad for starting a discussion but its just been on my mind a lot. I wanted to tell him and I think in my distress it came out wrong.

I just want my boyfriend to write me a cute note or maybe paint something or get me flowers. I dont need money I just want to see that he cares in a way that i know takes a lot of thought.

I really dont mean to appear ungrateful, I love my boyfriend so much and I worry every day trying to make our relationship better. Im just confused on how to tell him how I feel without sounding rude. Maybe im in the wrong completely or maybe there's some truth to both sides. Thoughts?

TLDR: I want my boyfriend to give me thoughtful gifts, he thinks they are pointless even though he spends money on us going places. Am I completely ungrateful or is some of what im saying fair?