my baby girl ginger passed away last night. she and her sister both died from the same illness a month apart and i had just taken ginger to the vet yesterday after symptoms started showing and bought her antibiotics and a nebuliser. she had been kinda weary and had very heavy breathing and was definitely struggling, not eating anything either (besides baby food).

i had her out cuddling with me and she wouldn't take the food mixed with medicine so I decided to just give it to her via the syringe feeder since it was only 0.1ml. i gave to to her just holding her still and straight into her mouth and she sorta licked her lips and settled down and all seemed fine. about 2 minutes later she gasped a little and then seemed to settle again and then 30 seconds later started frantically open mouthed gasping and clawing desperately at my face. I had no idea what to do so I immediately sat up and she started flipping around in my jumper and thrashing wildly, still gasping but almost as if she was violently spasming, i literally couldn't keep a hold of her. i stood up to grab her and before I could she fell limp into the back of my jumper, dead. 

it was so sudden and I just started wailing. I'm so shook, It was so distressing to watch and it happened within the span of 15 seconds. i have no idea if it was just her lungs giving way or if it was my fault giving her the medicine and she choked, if I had just waited until she was ready to eat and the first dose kicked in or would she have died alone in her cage instead? I have no idea and I'm so distraught. Is this my fault? Did she choke? Was it her lung collapsing?? Does that even happen?

feeling so guilty, no idea if my rats death was my fault