Struggling to cope and process after a week long relationship

Please excuse my wordiness... I've talked to friends, family, and my new therapist about this but I am struggling.

Basically, I (28 M) asked out a customer of mine (22 F) after crushing on her for months. We had a wonderful first date but she instantly asked me if I wanted children someday. I told her yes, and shared a bit about my life, and how my father was very abusive. I want at least one biological child to fill the void that I've felt for my entire life. She responded by saying she is very "anti-kid", (with the exception of adoption) and said she came from an abusive home, she wouldn't know how to be a mother, and biologically she doesn't want to pass on her genetics. All of this was very hard to hear on the first date but I decided to just say "I understand" and continue forward because I was having such a good time and otherwise the vibes were great. We got food and then she came to my place, and we kissed a lot, but I told her I want to wait before going any further. I have not been in a relationship in over five years and generally want to take things slow. I've been on countless dates since my last relationship but have only had sex once since then.

Fast forward a couple days of texting... And I invite her over again after we're both off work. I make dinner, we vibe, we kiss, and then we end up sleeping together. I didn't expect things to progress so quickly in all honesty but... it just felt right. At least in the moment. Afterwards I felt a bit anxious and couldn't help but ask "So... as far as babies... is it a never-ever or a maybe?" She basically just reiterated everything she'd already said but was stern about it. She then says "This may be a deal breaker, but it doesn't have to be tonight."

The next morning, we engage physically again. I then feel even more anxious afterward than I did the previous night and I start crying. I tell her I'm really falling for her and the idea of us ending things in the future over non-shared values is terrifying to me, and going our separate ways now would be deeply saddening. She just held me and said "I'm here" and managed to calm me down, but I still felt uneasy. We then said goodbye and I went to work. Then at work (customer service), I get really stressed out and have a breakdown after a coworker asks me what's wrong. At this point I feel like I'm at odds with myself and I'm just stressed and frustrated with the situation. I then decide I need to talk to her. So the next day, I have her over, and she can tell something's off, so I just get straight to the punch. I told her I'm starting to get obsessed with her and I feel like this will hurt even more in the future. I propose some other ideas like incubation and what not, but she says "no, my genes end here". She then gets upset and leaves. "I'm not going to pretend like getting broken up with feels good. We can try to be friends in the future but not for a while. For what it's worth, I had a good time." As she's leaving, I can feel myself wanting to say "Please don't go" but I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.

As soon as she was out the door, my heart sank. Of course only then do I get a bit more logical. And then I was kicking myself for not proposing the idea of a surrogate parent. She is so wonderful. She's a 10/10 in my eyes, she's sweet, kind, funny, intelligent, all the good stuff. And we vibe so well. She feels like the missing piece I have been searching for. Like... why am I throwing this away? Surely there's a solution?

I reflected on my thoughts for two days before deciding to write her a letter, basically just apologizing and letting her know how much she means to me. I dropped it off at her workplace with some roses. She texted me after and thanked me, but essentially said "I don't know how I feel about you, and I don't think we'll ever be together". I tried to bargain to speak with her for a moment, but realized it was futile. I gave her my best wishes and said to reach out if she wants to talk.

I'm just... struggling. She has been the only warmth and ray of light that has come into my life this year. And I threw it away so fast just because of my fears. I feel horrible for hurting her.

I drank heavily for a few days but knew it wasn't helping so now I'm trying to quit all of my vices at once... and find a new job. I threw away my vape, my bong, and ensured I have no more alcohol in the house. I'm still processing... just been listening to a lot of Radiohead and bed rotting.

Everyone I've talked to about this has told me I messed up (which I did) but many of them said "she may have changed her mind on kids someday, you don't know".

I guess all of this to say, now what? Should I just move forward and not look back? I keep hoping she'll text me and ask to talk... but I know that is highly unlikely. I've literally never had someone look at me the way she looked at me. And care for me the way she cared for me. It's painful to think I'll never see her again. I just feel so stupid.

TLDR: A week after getting a girl's number, we get very close, engage physically, and I end it abruptly because she doesn't want kids. And I am struggling...