Should I get back with my ex after breaking up with her 2 months ago?

Hi guys, so I’m in a sticky situation, I really haven’t helped myself and made this worse for both of us but here we are.

I broke up with my ex 2 months ago, we had been together for a year and a half. We had broken up for like a day about 8 months into our relationship but decided to try again as it was only our first time being in a relationship and can’t throw it away like nothing. She was what I felt controlling, manipulative and we argued a lot. I’ll try not to ramble on and go into too much detail. Whenever I went out with my friends or was doing stuff without her it felt like she got very controlling and would try to manipulate me so I didn’t do it or I didn’t enjoy my time out, and people around me would recognise this aswell. I had brought all this up before we broke up but nothing really changed. She went through a lot of traumatic experiences during her childhood and when we broke up she started going to therapy and she realised how wrong she was, and that she should’ve never treated me like that but it was her trauma that made it feel like she wasn’t doing something wrong. Since breaking up we both kept in contact and texted a lot, I’m not sure if I done it because it was a comfort and routine thing for me as it’s all I’d known for a year and a half or if I actually wanted her still. We saw eachother the other day which was probably a bad decision because it brought a lot of them old feelings we had back, but it’s made me think and now I’m stuck, which brings me here.

She has told me multiple times and she couldn’t make it any clearer that if we tried again it wouldn’t be anything like the past and she realises how wrong she was and she’s sorry. We could start it slow and see eachother as friends and work our way back into falling in love with our relationship. But I have said I don’t think it’s a good idea and If I wanted to try again I would’ve done it a long time ago and not waited 2 months. How we was in the past is not something I can just turn a blind eye too and it’s affected me to the point where I don’t want a relationship anymore if that’s how’s it’s gonna be. I can’t keep texting her as it’s selfish from me if I’m not actually going to try again but I’m finding it so hard to not talk to her or block her. I don’t want a relationship right now and I don’t want to try again right now but it’s not fair to keep her waiting incase I do want that in the future, so any advice on what to do as it’s my first breakup and it’s so confusing and hard, thankyou.