11 months postpartum/breastfeeding/discouraged

Hey all, I’m almost 11 months postpartum and I’m just feeling totally sad and discouraged by my lack of progress. The big disclaimer here is that I have a long ED history so certain measures (calorie counting, working with a non-ED-aware trainer, etc.) are off the table. I primarily do Peloton workouts, usually a mix of strength, cycling, and yoga/Pilates. I got off the bike today after a really tough 45-minute HIIT & Hills class and was just so upset by what I saw in the mirror. I don’t look like I’ve been working my ass off though I have - in fact, I don’t look like I work out at all. I exercise every day, and I’m beyond frustrated. I guess I’m just looking for some comfort and commiseration. I’m still breastfeeding and I don’t know if that’s really why my weight is stalled and my body fat is so high (no I do not weigh or measure myself but I can see how much fat I have, especially on my stomach, and my clothes are just as tight now as they were immediately postpartum. A few other points:

• I have repeated a Peloton hypertrophy program for about 8 weeks - didn’t really feel stronger at the end
• I do lift heavy (for me - maybe that’s not heavy enough but I struggle and feel sore)
• I do three 45-60 min strength classes a week
• I do 20-45 min of cycling (often HIIT) 2, maybe 3 days a week
• I do some yoga every day
• I walk around 8k steps or more outside of my workouts, but that’s an estimate from my phone as trackers feed into my ED
• my nutrition is good - I often wonder if I’m eating too many calories and that’s why I’m retaining so much fat but I’m still breastfeeding and extremely conscious of what I’m eating (and had a dietitian early on in postpartum who said I could use more calories).

Any help or encouragement or kindness would be really appreciated as I’m so upset with myself and what my body looks/performs like. It feels like I can’t use “postpartum” as an excuse anymore since I’m almost a year out even though I’m still breastfeeding.