35M the loneliness is killing me

Im from spain. I have autism, depression and BPD... Also I dont like to socialize and I basically dont enjoy doing anything, specially going out. Never did...

The problem is that I have a massive loneliness issue of needing just one person (woman) in my life to trust and share my life with... Its a massive hole, and it hurts a lot. It hurts so much that I cant deal with it... I have been actively looking since I was 15 yo, and women just dont want someone like me, so weak and boring and needy...

I cant deal with this. Its so painful. Im so lonely... It just hurts so much...

I dont know what to do. I cannot keep living like this... I just cant. It hurts so much...