I just can't anymore

I'm a 22 year old man with Cerebral Palsy, and I just don't know what I can do anymore. I'm studying for the university entrance exams I already took and passed twice, but even when I pass, I can't physically attend to the school I get into, and every time I think the next year will somehow be different. I only have two real friends, but I guess I have to let go one of them, because he's a 30 year old man who is getting married and who has a real life and I feel like every time I message him I'm dragging him into the mud. I'm 22 and still a virgin, I've never even been on a date before. This is never gonna change, none of it is ever going to chance, I'm gonna die alone. Why was I even born if this is all I'm gonna have? I'm so tired and sad, I just wanna disappear