I just miss him and I’m terrified there’s nothing I can do about it

I was seeing this guy for about 6 months and when I say I fell hard, I mean HARD. He is kind, funny, so gentle, and also incredibly successful, but always humble and you’d never know from talking to him. The sex was incredible. I felt like we were so compatible and had so much in common and when we’d spend time together I felt like we really just hit it off and things were great.

I always felt this strange bit of distance from him, though, and I could never quite put my finger on it. He wanted to take things slowly, which we did, and finally I pushed him a bit to take a step further in our relationship: meeting each other’s families. He seemed hesitant at first, but he finally softened and agreed it was time.

We made some loose plans, but never anything concrete, and a few days before he had to take a business trip, he decided to open up to me about some traumatic things from his past. And I mean absolutely AWFUL, EVIL things. I was heartbroken for him, but it gave me some context as to why he struggled to trust me and commit.

He returned from his trip and was a completely different person. No longer felt comfortable with me touching him, and I started seeing him less and less. He would still call or text me everyday, though. He finally told me about a month ago that he didn’t feel like he could handle a romantic relationship, but he still wanted me to stay in his life if I was comfortable, to which I agreed.

The friendship itself wasn’t painful, because our relationship dynamic didn’t change much. He communicated that he’d still like to spend time with me in person, and I still heard from him everyday and things seemed okay. I checked on him regularly, because it was clear he was reliving some trauma, triggered by his trip.

I knew he and I would both be traveling a lot in the next month, and I hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks, so I asked if we could see each other briefly before we left. He said yes, but the day of our plans, he told me he wouldn’t have time, as he was busy packing and preparing for his trip. I was upset, so I just texted him a short, blunt message, and he never replied. I haven’t heard from him since.

It’s been almost three weeks, and I can’t bring myself to reach out, but I also desperately want to. I just don’t know what to do. I really love him, but I also want to be with someone who wants to and can be with me.